


nothing's ever shaken me quite like you

by bluelines



Category: Hockey RPF, Women's Hockey RPF
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers, Semi-Public Sex, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-15 07:41:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13026390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluelines/pseuds/bluelines
Summary: Five times Meghan and Kacey get caught by their teammates, and one time they don't.





	nothing's ever shaken me quite like you

**Author's Note:**

> set during pre-peyongchang centralization, title taken from 'quite like you' by taylor john williams.

Things are not great.

Kacey did not play well in St. Paul and she knows it. She knows it will pass, and she knows that the switching lines has been part of the problem, and she hates herself for wanting Mo back when Cayla needs her, and it’s four in the morning and she already wants to cry. All of that is true before they get to their gate at the airport and Team Canada is already waiting for their plane.

“Oh, come on,” Joce says, just loudly enough for the fringes of the Canadian group to hear, and Kacey feels it. She really feels it. Marie has her headphones on and is deeply absorbed in her phone. Kacey forces herself to look anywhere else, but it’s a _lot_ of red to pretend she isn’t noticing.

“This is so awkward,” Cayla says, next to her.

“It’ll be fine,” Kacey says, even though she doesn’t think it will at all. She only manages for a few minutes before she can feel her hands start to shake and she does her best to walk slowly to the bathroom, like a normal person would do when she normally goes to the restroom to use it, and not to stand in front of the mirror and attempt not to hyperventilate.

Of course, it’s less than a minute later that Meghan joins her.

“Hey,” Meghan says. Kacey blinks at herself in the mirror. Under the fluorescents she looks tired and older than she wants to. Meghan looks fine.

“You okay?” Meghan asks.

“Not really,” Kacey says, “but I mean, I have to be. Yeah, I’m fine. There’s--I have an A. I can’t sit out there like I’m uncomfortable. I’ve got to set an example.”

“Uncomfortable on a plane with Team Canada is not a bad example to set,” Meghan jokes, bumping Kacey’s hip with her own. Meghan looks at Kacey in the mirror, and Kacey looks at Meghan so she doesn’t have to look at herself.

“What can I do for you?” Meghan asks.

“I don’t know,” Kacey says, “I’ll be fine. I just know she’s going to be looking--she wants to see if I’m still fucked up over it. And I hate it.”

“You’re not still fucked up over it,” Meghan says.

“ _I_ know that,” Kacey says, “ _you_ know that, but she doesn’t.”

Instead of asking her why she cares what Marie knows, which is something anyone else would do, Meghan chews her lips in a way that Kacey knows means she’s thinking. 

“I could give you a hickey,” Meghan says.

Kacey doesn’t feel like either of them are actually there. Airports at four in the morning always feel fake, like a really vivid dream, but especially right now.

“You know,” Meghan says, “you _know_ that would piss her off so bad. It would drive her nuts trying to figure out where you got it.”

Meghan isn’t wrong. Theoretically Kacey should be above this; they’re both thirty and Marie dumped her almost a year ago. In practice, at 4 in the morning after a loss, she’s not above it, and her and Meghan both know it.

“Won’t that be weird?” Kacey asks.

“No,” Meghan says. 

“Okay,” Kacey agrees. It won’t be. They slept together years ago, in college, and nothing has really been weird since then. Meghan’s confident enough that Kacey is, too. Kacey turns around, leaning back against the counter. Meghan comes around in front of her and moves close. She unzips Kacey’s quarter-zip and folds the collar down. Kacey inhales through her nose and regrets it immediately; the combination of an empty stomach and the smell of the bathroom chemicals is overwhelmingly gross.

Also, she might be nervous.

Meghan steadies her by cupping the back of Kacey’s neck in one hand. Kacey closes her eyes, and Meghan leans in and gets to work. She’s nice about it at first, just kissing Kacey’s neck, and Kacey gets complacent, distracted, enough so that when Meghan’s teeth hit her skin she barely stops herself from jumping.

Meghan is not fucking around. Kacey shouldn’t be surprised, because Meghan is never fucking around, but it shocks her that Meghan just keeps going. The familiar swell of warmth below Kacey’s belly button is something she hasn’t felt in so long that she has to laugh at the combination of giddiness and the sting of Meghan’s teeth.

If Meghan’s hand tightens on the back of Kacey’s neck, Kacey doesn’t notice it.

The door to the bathroom opens and Meghan lets go and leans back. Kacey hastily zips her quarter-zip back up, but she knows her face is red and her collar zipped up that far has to be suspicious even before Keller appears, blinking myopically at them.

“Hey,” Meghan says cheerfully, “pep talk. You want one?”

“Uh,” Keller says, “I’m...good. Just came here to pee.”

“Great,” Meghan says, “good call, go for it. C’mon Kace.”

-

On the plane, Kacey makes eye contact with Meghan, a few seats behind and across the aisle. Meghan raises her eyebrows and mimes unzipping a jacket. Kacey unzips her quarterzip and folds the collar down, touching the spot where her neck is still tender. Meghan raises her eyebrows, apparently impressed with herself, and gives Kacey a thumbs up.

Kacey goes to the bathroom, and her neck and Meghan’s hickey are very visible to Marie, who definitely looks up at her when she passes. There are already whispers traveling through the sea of red jackets when she walks back through. When she settles in her seat and zips her jacket back up, she turns to Meghan and flashes a thumbs up right back.

-

Meghan has been thinking about it for a week. 

It’s stupid to pretend that they both aren’t. She knows Kacey well enough to know that Kacey’s thinking about it, too. Neither of them have gotten laid in so long that it was inevitable, and if it hadn’t been four in the morning she would have considered it before she gave Kacey the hickey. 

But she did it. And now they’re roommates in San Jose and all Meghan wants is to press Kacey against something solid and hear her breathless, turned-on laugh again. 

“I,” Meghan says, flopping onto the first bed, “am a mess.” 

It’s a little bit of a thrill to say so to Kacey, since it’s sort of about her and Meghan isn’t sure if she knows.

“You look fine,” Kacey answers obliviously, laying back on the other bed after she’s dropped her her bags to the ground. Not only is she oblivious, she’s lying; Meghan wants to peel her leggings and her shirt and her sports bra off and soak in the shower for five years.

“I need to get laid,” Meghan says. 

Kacey laughs. It’s not the same kind of laugh as Meghan keeps imagining, but it makes her smile anyway. 

“Oh,” Kacey says, “that kind of mess. Me, too.”

And that’s it. Kacey has not gotten the hint. Meghan isn’t sure what she would have done if Kacey had. It’s not like they can actually sleep together. They haven’t talked about this thing, the flirting and the weirdness since the hickey, because they both know they can’t. 

But Meghan wants to know if Kacey would want to, in a theoretical universe where they could. And she knows she’s fishing for it. Maybe Kacey does too, and she’s just trying to pick up the slack where Meghan is letting it loose. 

“You can get off if you want,” Kacey says suddenly, like she’s offering Meghan a glass of water. She’s being so casual about it that Meghan is sure she must have heard it wrong. She props herself up on her elbow, but Kacey is staring at the ceiling, which is how Meghan knows she did not mishear her. 

“Really?” Meghan says, “god, I need to, but I can go take a shower or something.”

“No,” Kacey says, “I mean, you don’t have to, it’s fine. I—I want to, too.”

Meghan drops her head back against the mattress and really thinks about that. She toys with the waistband of her leggings. 

“You can, too,” Meghan says. “You should.”

She tries to conjure up the last (and first) time they slept together, in college, after a tournament. They had been so young that she’s sure she could do better now, if Kacey wanted to. But maybe it’s better like this, separately, not admitting what they want. At least until after the Olympics. 

“Okay,” Kacey replies, and her voice is a little strained. Meghan shifts on the bed, letting her legs fall open. She wants to watch Kacey but she doesn’t want to be that obvious, so she doesn’t. Instead she slips a hand down the front of her leggings and touches herself absently over her underwear.

“Should we have a rule?” Kacey asks, and Meghan stops her hand. 

“Do you want a rule?” she asks, and Kacey exhales. Meghan smiles to herself 

“Wouldn’t it be weird,” Kacey says, “if one of us was done and the other one was—not?”

No, Meghan thinks. She’d be fine with listening to Kacey, if she got off first. It wouldn’t be weird at all. 

“Alright,” she says, “then whatever you’re thinking of that’s going to get you off in ten seconds, don’t do it. There’s your rule.”

“It wouldn’t be ten seconds,” Kacey grumbles, and Meghan’s smile grows. 

“Okay,” Kacey agrees, and Meghan starts to touch herself again. 

She’s gearing up to it, putting more pressure in the fingertips working in circles against her underwear, when she hears Kacey inhale and cut it off by swallowing. Kacey moves, and Meghan is dying to know what the sound was, trying to decide how she thinks Kacey’s doing it, whether she’s got her leggings down around her thighs or ankles, how she’s touching herself. She should be more focused on herself and she knows it. In the process of getting distracted she’s let herself push past her underwear, moving it aside. She’s getting closer than she’d like, so instead of keeping her eyes closed and trying not to guess what Kacey is doing, she opens her eyes and stares at the hotel ceiling. 

God. In the same room, separate beds, in a hotel, with their teammates in rooms around them. It’s late, though, so she doesn’t feel as guilty. They’ve all said goodnight already. Kacey is really quiet. 

Meghan is close again because she’s let herself think about Kacey again, and reflexively she closes her eyes and turns her head. She’s dumb enough to open her eyes, and when she does, she has a clear view of Kacey on the other bed, lying on her stomach with her hand trapped under her, barely propped up on her knees. Her head is facing Meghan. Her face is pink and her mouth is open. 

And she’s looking at Meghan, too. 

She turns her head and presses her face into the pillow, and Meghan tosses her head to the other side and tries not to imagine how she could get Kacey unwound like that, except thinking like that is what’s going to get her off and she wants to get off and she’s so close. 

And then someone knocks. 

Frantically, she fixes her underwear and grabs a tissue to wipe her hand and drops it in the trash. Her heart is still pounding when she opens the door. 

“Hi,” Lee says, “sorry, I know it’s late.”

“You’re fine,” Meghan says, gesturing for her to come in, “you wanna talk about something?”

Lee catches sight of Kacey, who is now under the covers with her back to them. Mortified, Meghan is sure. 

“Kace has a headache,” Meghan says, “but we can be quiet.”

-

When Lee leaves, Kacey dramatically kicks the blankets off of herself. Meghan laughs, and she definitely doesn’t take an extra second to look at Kacey’s legs in her leggings. 

The moment for that has passed. 

“I’m gonna shower,” she says. 

“Okay,” Kacey says, and there might even be a tinge of disappointment in her voice. 

Meghan doesn’t focus on that in the shower. She doesn’t try to guess if Kacey is getting off, too. Instead she presses her forehead to the tile and gets it over as fast as possible, doing her best not think about anyone at all, and especially not Kacey’s parted lips, her hair in wisps around her face, whether she always rolls into her stomach to get herself off. 

-

They don’t talk about that, either.

The hang-time after Edmonton and before they get off for break is just enough time for them to all go a little crazy. Kacey, now that she has her own room again, is less antsy than she was before, but only when she’s not with Meghan, which is a pretty small percentage of her day. She keeps seeing the look on Meghan’s face when they had made eye contact in their beds, her brow furrowed, her eyes so light that they didn’t look real. Kacey had wanted to crawl into Meghan’s bed and--

Well, she hadn’t. And it’s a good thing. She keeps trying to tell herself that. At this point, the way that Meghan’s leg finds hers under the table at dinner, the way that Meghan’s eyes find hers during quiet moments after a workout, and the number of times she has caught Meghan checking out her ass in the last week all tell her what she already guessed, which is that they both want this, whatever it’s going to be. Sex, to start with. 

The hardest part is being alone with Meghan and resisting the urge to climb into Meghan’s lap and kiss the chapstick off of her lips. Kacey is not a stranger to pretending she doesn’t want someone--she’s done it with more than one girlfriend in the past--but it’s different this time and she can’t put her finger on why. It just seems so much easier for Meghan, easy enough that Kacey has to wonder, sometimes, if she’s making it up that Meghan wants her, too.  
They have a routine, on game days, and their last game day before the break is no different. Meghan meets Kacey early and they drive to the rink together in silence, each of them with a coffee held between their knees; Kacey reaches for Meghan’s and puts it in the cupholder. 

“I can drive with it,” Meghan says, and it must have been the first time she’s spoken all day, because her voice is hoarse. 

“You have cupholders for a reason,” Kacey mumbles, as if her own coffee is not still clutched stubbornly between her knees, cooling down before she can drink it. She does her best to keep her mind empty on the short drive to the rink, and Meghan’s music helps, but as soon as they’re in the locker room Kacey’s thinking again, wondering if Meghan’s always been this much bigger than her. When they had been in college the difference hadn’t felt this severe. But then, Meghan has several dozen pounds more muscle on her now.

“You wanna roll?” Meghan asks, like they came here for any other reason.

“Yeah,” Kacey says. She sits in her cubby and pulls her socks on, focusing on lacing her sneakers back up. Meghan’s already on the floor, rolling out her quads with Sam Hunt on her little portable speaker, and the room feels too big. Kacey can’t shake the feeling that she should _say something_ , that not saying something is lying, somehow.

“Hey,” Meghan says. Kacey looks up and Meghan is watching her, perched on top of the foam roller.

“Hi,” Kacey murmurs.

“You okay?” Meghan asks.

“Yes,” Kacey lies, watching her window close with a wash of relief and annoyance. She should have said something. She’s glad she didn’t. Meghan’s eyebrows are furrowed, and Kacey wants to reach out and smooth the crease between her brows. She’s just thinking that Meghan’s too far away for that when Meghan moves, coming up onto her knees and moving so that she’s kneeling in front of Kacey’s cubby. She places her hands on Kacey’s knees, and Kacey tries to smile at her. 

She knows she’s making a horrible effort at it before Meghan even speaks.

“You’re making that face,” Meghan says.

“What face,” Kacey replies, even though she knows.

“That face you make when you’re imitating an alien that’s trying to imitate a person smiling,” Meghan says.

“Shut up,” Kacey says, feeling her ears go red. It’s the fondness in Meghan’s voice that’s making her blush. She’s not being chirped right now.

“Smile with your teeth,” Meghan says.

Kacey doesn’t know what to say to that. She’s not smiling now, she’s taking in the way Meghan’s roots are coming in brown and thinking about what Meghan would look like if she just let them go. 

“Kace,” Meghan says.

Kacey doesn’t answer her. She’s expecting Meghan to ask her what’s wrong, to drag it out of her like she usually does. Instead, Meghan’s eyes drop to Kacey’s lips, and before Kacey can second-guess it Meghan is kissing her and she’s kissing back. It happens like that, right there in the locker room, with Meghan’s hands on her knees and Kacey steadying her shaking hands on Meghan’s shoulders. Eventually she winds her arms around Meghan’s neck, and Meghan leans into the kiss, and it turns insistent.

Kacey isn’t sure how long they do that for. It doesn’t feel like very long before Meghan jerks away from her to the sound of someone dropping their bags. Hilary is standing in the doorway with her headphones on and the world’s most comical look of surprise on her face that Kacey is almost annoyed at for how textbook it is. She’s too mortified to be anything else. Meghan, of course, is fine.

“Hey Hil,” Meghan says.

“Hey,” Hilary says, and it comes out as a question. Kacey folds herself quietly into her locker, like pulling her feet in is going to make her invisible.

“You’re early,” Meghan says.

“I--” Hilary starts, and then, practically shouting, she says, “yes, I am. Early.”

“Take your headphones off,” Meghan says, “you’re yelling.”

Hilary does, but she doesn’t look any less shellshocked. Meghan returns to her foam roller, and Kacey doesn’t move, speak, or breathe.

“You wanna foam roll with us?” Meghan asks, as if that was seriously what they had been doing.

“Um,” Hilary says, “I’m...good.”

-

As soon as they start sleeping together, it’s like they can’t stop. 

Meghan doesn’t mind that. They find a way right before everyone leaves—Amanda’s flight being the day before has its perks—and it’s such a relief not to be dancing around it anymore. Kacey doesn’t leave right away after, either. They lay on their backs next to each other, half-clothed, and this time Kacey does do that breathless little laugh. Meghan likes how it makes Kacey sound like she can’t believe it, like they’ve done something actually surprising. 

“I wanna get your clothes off next time,” Meghan says. 

“Sorry,” Kacey says, “it seemed like a lot extra to do when I just wanted—“

“Yeah,” Meghan agrees, before Kacey can say anything that will make Meghan want to roll over and shut her up. 

“Next time,” Kacey says, as if she’s just heard it. 

“Yeah,” Meghan repeats. She pulls her underwear back up over her hips and rolls onto her stomach, resting her chin on her hands. Kacey wriggles back into her sweatpants. 

“Duh,” Meghan continues, “I’m not gonna be able to keep my hands off you now.”

Kacey turns pink and Meghan grins at her. She wants to lean over and kiss Kacey, but she’s not sure if that’s where they are yet. 

“You better not be kidding,” Kacey says. 

Meghan sits up on her knees and tugs Kacey’s sweatpants back down. 

-

Decker invites them both over for a movie night over break. Meghan’s plans to spend hours getting Kacey off have been thwarted by the fact that both of them are staying with their parents, and she’s more jealous of Decker than she thought she would be when they show up. Decker and her girlfriend still have a place, and it’s cute and normal and it feels like adults live there. 

Meghan misses feeling like an adult. She misses, briefly, feeling like she had a life outside of the rink. That’s sort of the point of centralization, but it gets old, especially the lack of privacy. She settles onto the loveseat and Kacey joins her, pulling a blanket off the back of it and curling up under it, between the back and the arm of the couch. Meghan keeps being surprised when she wants something other than sex from Kacey, and this isn’t any difference. She wants to tuck herself up under Kacey’s arm as if they’re together, which they’re not. She settles for yanking at the blanket until it covers both of them.

“Get your own,” Kacey grumbles, but she doesn’t take it back, just sidles closer so they can share it more easily. 

It’s alarmingly cozy. Meghan starts to panic after the third time she notices her instinct to drape some part of Kacey’s body over hers. She’s feeling needy. She’s barely even paying attention to the movie. She reaches for Kacey’s hand without thinking about it and wants to expire on the spot. 

In an effort to play it off, she places Kacey’s hand on her thigh under the blanket. She badly wants to get a glimpse of Kacey’s expression, but she doesn’t want to be obvious. She only leaves her hand on top of Kacey’s long enough to make her point. She leans back against the couch and slides down so she can let her knees fall apart like she’s relaxed. 

A minute later, Kacey scoots closer so that her arm won’t be at a noticeable angle with her hand in Meghan’s lap. Her hand creeps a little higher, and Meghan focuses on breathing through her nose. When Kacey finally slides her hand into Meghan’s sweats, Meghan holds her breath and lets it out in increments. She’s surprised at how quickly she went from zero to wanting Kacey this badly, but the minutes spent with Kacey’s hand on her thigh doing nothing certainly helped. She finally does glance over and see that Kacey’s eyes are wide. Kacey catches her looking and clears her throat, blinking at the screen. With her free hand, she reaches for some popcorn, and Meghan isn’t sure if she’s offended or impressed. 

There’s not a lot of room, especially at this angle and with Meghan’s sweats still on, but Kacey manages. She’s nimble, but she refuses to work up a rhythm at all; Meghan knows it would be more obvious if Kacey did but she’s so desperate to get off now that she doesn’t really care. Brianna isn’t looking anyway. She drapes one arm over the top of the couch and uses the leverage to push her hips against Kacey’s hand, just once. Kacey finds the right spot with just a fingertip and Meghan’s hands ball into fists. She wonders if Kacey is blushing. It’s too dark to tell, but Meghan would bet on it. She can’t get enough friction, and she keeps squirming uncomfortably, wishing Kacey had more room to push her hand further down. She spares no attention to thinking about how she would be able to play it off if Kacey did manage to get her off like this. 

She’s chewing her lip when Brianna finally notices them. 

“What the fuck are you guys doing?” she says. Meghan frowns, trying to make it look like Brianna has just distracted her from the movie. Kacey very carefully withdraws her hand and placed it on her own leg. 

“Nothing,” Meghan says, “gross, relax. I just had to pee and didn’t want you to have to pause it. But if it’s bothering you that much—“

Brianna pauses the movie. Meghan retreats to the bathroom, which is unfortunately close enough for her to hear conversation. 

“Kacey,” Brianna says, “don’t you dare follow her into my bathroom. Also, you’re paying to dry clean my couch.”

“We weren’t doing anything,” Kacey insists, but her voice is thin and squeaky and so obvious. Meghan catches he look on her face in the mirror and it hits her like a ton of bricks how fond she is of Kacey, and what it means combined with them sleeping together. She looks dopey. Her hair is a mess. 

She likes Kacey a lot. Even when Kacey’s hand isn’t down the front of her pants. It’s not surprising, because Kacey has been one of her best friends for almost fifteen years now, but it still manages to shock her. 

“It’s my couch,” Brianna’s girlfriend says, “and I believe them.”

-

Kacey can tell that Meghan is keeping her distance on purpose over their break. They were toeing the line even before Hilary caught them making out, and pushing it the way they had on Decker’s couch wasn’t smart, either; they both have letters, and they have to set an example. 

If she’s falling for Meghan--and she’s pretty sure she is--she doesn’t need to confront that right _now_. It makes sense, if Meghan’s noticed it, she’s right to give Kacey space to get over it. She’s operating under the assumption that ‘getting over it’ is what she should do before Meghan texts her two nights before they’re all supposed to be back in Tampa.

‘Wanna see you before we go back,’ is all the text says. And Kacey’s not going to say no to that.

“Do we have to stop doing this?” Kacey asks, looking up at Meghan. Meghan is not in a state to answer her. She reaches down and threads her fingers into Kacey’s hair. Kacey rests her cheek against Meghan’s inner thigh.

“Megs,” Kacey says. She twists her wrist, and Meghan bucks against her hand.

“No,” Meghan says breathlessly, “Kacey, c’mon--”

“I don’t wanna stop,” Kacey says.

“Don’t,” Meghan says, or attempts to say. Kacey takes it at face value. For the moment, she has more important things to think about.

-

Two days go by in Tampa before they end up alone together. Now that Hilary and Brianna know, it’s pretty certain everyone else does, and they have to be as subtle as possible. That’s why Kacey’s surprised when Meghan slips into the passenger seat of her car after practice.

“Decks wanted to go to Chipotle,” Meghan says, “so she went in Pelks’ car. I figured you weren’t going with them.”

“You’re right,” Kacey says. Meghan smiles pleasantly at her, and Kacey feels like they must be playing some kind of game. She’s not sure what Meghan wants to hear.

“Well,” Meghan says, “there’s a salad place--”

“Yeah,” Kacey says, “if you plug it into your phone and tell me where to go, that works for me.”

It’s not a date, though. It’s not like that at all. It feels the same as things always did. Kacey regrets agreeing to salad immediately. She’s halfway through hers and nowhere near satisfied when Meghan looks up at her and says, “I’m sorry I avoided you over the break.”

“Oh,” Kacey says, “it’s okay.”

“Okay,” Meghan says, as if she’s reassuring herself.

-

When Kacey pulls in to park back at the resort, she leaves the car on. Meghan doesn’t get out.

“I wonder how much time we have,” Meghan says, and Kacey gets a thrill up and down her spine that makes her smile. She doesn’t try to hide it, because she knows it’ll make Meghan smile, and she’s not wrong.

“Too risky,” Kacey says, “can’t have anyone walk in on us doing it.”

“I didn’t say anything about doing it,” Meghan says, “God, you talk about it like we’re sixteen. You can say ‘fuck,” Kacey, we’re thirty.”

“We can’t have anyone walk in on us fucking,” Kacey says, because she knows it’s what Meghan wants to hear her say. Meghan’s grin widens, and Kacey gets hot just from that, just from the way Meghan’s looking at her in that moment. 

“Yeah,” Meghan says, “kind of a mood killer not to have any privacy.”

Kacey is surprised when Meghan leans over the center console to kiss her. It’s dark now, though, and her windows are tinted, and she doesn’t think anyone’s around, anyway, so she kisses Meghan back. It’s a soft kiss at first, and she’s surprised at how much it makes her want more. Meghan knows that about her, Kacey thinks. Meghan always knows how to make Kacey want her, and every time they do anything like this it’s like Meghan’s finding _new_ ways to make Kacey want he. This one is a sneaking, crawling warmth, disguised as something innocent, a chaste kiss that ends up with Meghan’s tongue in her mouth and Kacey’s hand fisted into the front of Meghan’s sweatshirt.

“Megs,” Kacey says, when they pull apart to breathe.

“Yeah,” Meghan says, “I know, just--I wanna--”

“I know,” Kacey says, and she can’t decide if she loves or hates that they don’t have to have an actual conversation to know what’s going on in each other’s heads. 

“Can I?” Meghan asks. Her hand is on Kacey’s chest, toying with the strings of Kacey’s hoodie. 

“Meghan,” Kacey says, “we’re in public, we’re in my car.”

“It’s more privacy than we’re gonna get anywhere else,” Meghan says, “I just wanna touch you a little, please, Kace, I’m dying a slow death over here.”

“That’s because you worked yourself up,” Kacey says. She really does love the attention, though she’d never admit it. It’s nice, how much Meghan wants her. 

“Watching you eat that salad really got me going,” Meghan says, and Kacey honestly cannot tell if she’s serious. It doesn’t matter, though, because Meghan’s hand is under Kacey’s hoodie and t-shirt, her palm pressed against Kacey’s stomach.

“Kacey,” Meghan says again.

“Yeah,” Kacey says, “yes, just--I’ll--as soon as people get back we have to--”

She trails off, because Meghan is leaning over again, gripping the headrest of Kacey’s seat and kissing Kacey’s neck. In the meantime her hand is sliding down along Kacey’s stomach, and Kacey slides down, just far enough that she can spread her legs far apart enough for Meghan to touch her the way she wants to. As soon as Meghan’s hand moves under Kacey’s underwear, Meghan grins breathlessly against Kacey’s neck, just below her ear, and Kacey sighs.

“I can’t believe you said that like you weren’t worked up too,” Meghan says.

“I never said I wasn’t,” Kacey says. She pushes her hips against Meghan’s hand, because Meghan has gotten distracted and stopped moving.

“Alright,” Meghan says, “I know.”

Kacey presses her head back against the headrest. She loses track of time, which is problematic because she wanted to keep an eye out in case anyone got back before Meghan could get her off. The angle is awful, but somehow Meghan manages to really touch her, and Kacey knows she’s close. Being where they are is the main thing holding her back, that and the fact that sitting how she is doesn’t let her grind down against Meghan’s fingers the way she wants to. 

“Wish I could go down on you right now,” Meghan says.

“God dammit,” Kacey gasps.

“You don’t have to be quiet,” Meghan reminds her, and Kacey groans.

Less than ten seconds later, Meghan leans back. Her hand is still moving, but Kacey makes a sound of protest, missing Meghan’s mouth against her neck and jaw.

“Uh oh,” Meghan says, and Kacey doesn’t really have time to understand before someone raps on her window with their knuckles.

“Meghan,” Kacey gasps, and Meghan leans over the center console again to roll the window down with her free hand, just a little bit. Her other hand is still down Kacey’s pants. Kacey can’t decide how she feels. Monique is standing outside, a few feet away from the car, far enough away still that she can’t see down into the car where Meghan’s hand is still working between Kacey’s legs. Kacey grips the armrests of her seat.

“Hey,” Mo says, “you’re in Joce’s spot.”

“Oh,” Meghan says, “hey, sorry, we were just talking strategy.”

“I’ll move,” Kacey squeaks.

“Alright,” Mo says, “cause she’ll be mad when she comes back if--”

“I’ll move,” Kacey repeats. 

“Jeez,” Mo says, “strategy’s not going so well?”

“You know how she is when she gets focused,” Meghan says, “just give us like five more minutes and we’ll move.”

“Well,” Mo says, “sure. I mean, just wanted to warn you.”

And then she’s gone. Meghan rolls the window back up, but the moment has kind of passed. 

“Seriously,” Meghan says, because of course she can tell. 

“I’m not gonna get off after that,” Kacey says.

Meghan laughs and leans back, placing both of her hands back into her lap. 

“Well,” she says, “at least I tried. Hey, move your car.”

-

Everything starts happening fast then. 

Meghan loses track of what day it is. She should be keeping track, but she’s not. She doesn’t even know how many days it’s been since she kissed Kacey when they end up together on the flight to Peyongchang. 

“Hey,” Kacey says, bumping Meghan’s knee with hers, “take a breath, babe.”

Meghan’s never heard Kacey call her that before. She’s never heard Kacey call _anyone_ that before. Kacey must realize it, or maybe Meghan’s expression is transparent. Either way, Kacey blushes, bumping Meghan’s knee with hers again and looking back at the SkyMag in the seat pocket.

“I’ll take a breath after it’s over,” Meghan says.

“You don’t have to try so hard,” Kacey says, “right now. You know? You don’t have to carry all of us. You have help.”

Meghan hears what she doesn’t say: you have me. She drops her head back against the headrest of her seat and takes a long, deep, breath. Kacey’s hand finds hers, and Meghan squeezes it, and for a second she pretends they’re somewhere she can stay like this, somewhere it won’t matter if someone sees.

-

Meghan isn’t nervous until the night before the gold medal game.

It was never set in stone that they’d even get this far, because nothing is ever set in stone, but this is the first time since the plane that she’s had a second to think about where they are and what they’re doing, and who she is, and what her life is going to be like after tomorrow. 

The scary part is that she doesn’t know. She has no idea what she’s going to do when she gets back. She doesn’t have a job waiting, there’s no room on the Pride roster for her to join them for the tail end of the season, and she doesn’t even have a house. She’ll be thirty, she’ll have another medal of some color, and she’ll be living with her parents. Again.

She’ll have to start over again. Last time it was appealing to her. This time it’s not, and she doesn’t want tomorrow to end, for more reasons than one.

Maddie is her roommate, so Meghan waits an extra two minutes in the shower to put her game face back on. At her first Olympics, she would not have wanted to see her captain unsure. It’s not as if she can tell Maddie that the game is what worries her the least.

When she comes back into the room, Maddie is sitting on the edge of the bed with a duffel bag, and Meghan’s heart stops. 

“Hey,” Maddie says, “oh, no, don’t look like that, I’m fine, I--um, I thought maybe I would switch rooms with Bells for the night.”

“Oh,” Meghan says, and then all she can do for a few seconds is blink. So much for putting a brave face on for her rookies. 

“If you want,” Maddie offers. She toys with the strap of her duffel. “I know if I could sleep next to my boyfriend tonight, I’d wanna do it, so…”

Kacey isn’t Meghan’s girlfriend. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to leap at the opportunity to fall asleep with her face pressed into Kacey’s neck. Just because they haven’t talked about what that means doesn’t change how either of them are feeling, and after tomorrow, Meghan realizes, they’ll have all the time in the world to do the talking parts.

“Yeah,” Meghan says, “thank you, seriously. You’re a good kid.”

Maddie smiles, standing and hiking her duffel over her shoulder.

“You’re a good captain,” she says, and Meghan hugs her on her way out.

When Kacey knocks, Meghan barely lets the door close behind her before her arms are around Kacey’s shoulders, even though they saw each other hours ago. Kacey drops her bag and wraps her arms around Meghan’s waist.

“You okay?” she asks, and Meghan nods, taking a deep breath. 

“Seriously,” Kacey says.

“Seriously,” Meghan repeats, pulling back, “I’m fine, I just...need to take a breath.”

“Which bed is Maddie’s?” Kacey asks, and Meghan stares at her for five straight seconds before Kacey makes a face and continues, “I don’t want to fuck you on her bed.”

Meghan laughs and reaches for Kacey, pushing her by the hips so that she topples back onto the bed--Meghan’s bed. She lands with her knee between Kacey’s legs, and hauls Kacey onto her knees with both her hands in the front of Kacey’s sweatshirt. Kacey steadies herself with her hands on Meghan’s shoulders. The kiss goes on, on and on and on until Meghan can’t breathe and Kacey’s biting her lips. She drops off of the bed and onto her knees in one movement, and Kacey gasps in surprise, but she’s learned enough about how to keep up with Meghan that she’s already helping Meghan tug her sweats and underwear over her hips.

“Hey,” she says, when Meghan reaches for her thighs, “wait, Megs--”

Meghan looks up, resting her chin on Kacey’s knee. 

“Just,” Kacey says, “slow down a minute. I want...I don’t want this to be over so fast.”

Meghan’s chest aches suddenly and deeply in a way that makes her feel like she’s going to cry. It’s at last half because of the way Kacey is looking at her, brushing Meghan’s hair out of her eyes.

“It won’t be,” Meghan says, “it doesn’t have to be.”

Kacey turns pink. Meghan’s first thought is that she loves that, loves the way Kacey blushes whenever either of them says something that _means_ something. She gets caught on that, on what she loves about Kacey, and when she pulls Kacey to her mouth with her hands behind Kacey’s knees, she hesitates just long enough to look up again.

“I’ll take my time,” she says, and Kacey groans.

She does take her time. She takes her time teasing Kacey, stroking with her thumbs and then moving her hands to Kacey’s hips. Kacey’s trying not to move and Meghan can tell, and she doesn’t want that--she wants Kacey to take what she wants. Kacey’s hands in Meghan’s hair stop stroking and start pulling the second Kacey starts rocking her hips, and Meghan groans, and Meghan groaning makes Kacey groan, and by the time Kacey’s knees are clamping around Meghan’s shoulders Meghan’s jaw is seconds from locking up. 

She waits until Kacey tugs her up and away. Kacey has to bend down to kiss Meghan, whose knees are aching from the thin carpet, but the fact that she does it even when Meghan’s mouth is a mess makes Meghan crazy.

“Love you,” Kacey mumbles against Meghan’s lips, and Meghan pulls back just to smile.

“Yeah?” she asks, and Kacey is no longer pink--she’s bright red, and her eyes are shut, and Meghan launches herself up off the ground so she can push Kacey back to the middle of the bed and straddle her hips.

“Kace,” she says, watching Kacey watch her own hands on Meghan’s hips.

“Yeah,” Kacey says, “look--”

“Kacey,” Meghan says, “love you, too.”

“Can I go down on you now?” Kacey asks, and her voice is high and squeaky just like it always gets when she’s talking about Meghan, and Meghan has to laugh again, pushing Kacey’s sweatshirt and t-shirt up so she can put her hands on Kacey’s stomach.

“No,” Meghan says, “wanna see you.”

Kacey lets out a shuddery breath. Meghan drops down so that she can kiss Kacey again, and Kacey pushes Meghan’s leggings down over her hips. It’s an awkward frenzy for a few seconds, but sooner rather than later Meghan is straddling Kacey again, and this time Kacey’s hand is between her legs. 

Meghan braces her hands on Kacey’s shoulders. She rocks down against Kacey’s fingers, and Kacey’s free hand moves over Meghan’s ribs, and Meghan forgets everything. She forgets who they are, where they are, what they’re there to do. She forgets everything except what’s important, which is that Kacey loves her, and she loves Kacey.

When it’s all said and done and she’s half asleep with her face tucked into the crook of Kacey’s neck like she imagined, Kacey reaches up and trails her fingers through Meghan’s hair, and intertwines their legs under the covers.

“Megs,” Kacey murmurs against her forehead, “let’s go win that gold.”


End file.
